UTMB 2019 – THE HANGOVER
Is it a slump? Am I tired? Am I bored? Am I un-inspired or am I over thinking it all.
The constant noise of the screaming and yelping of all the kids in the indoor soft play area is chaotic, its pouring with rain outside so I thought a 10 am opening slot at the soft play would be fairly chilled in some of way, I was wrong, we had to que up and the place was rammed with squeaky screaming human sardines by 10.07am. I noticed some runners out in the rain on the way here, good on them I thought. I’m thinking right now how blissfully calming and beautifully grim it would be out on the downs right now in the pouring October rain. The breath, the cold, the wet and my pounding heart of feeling amazing to be free and alive.
I’ve run twice in the last three weeks. Every time I went out after not finishing this year’s UTMB I’ve just felt drained and un-inspired with nothing working right. I’ve felt frustrated at suddenly running at an average of ten-minute miles on short runs. This has never happened to me before and I hope it will end soon. I’ve taken a three weak break from running.
I like to think that not finishing races is good for the soul. You learn a lot when you don’t complete something I suppose. I don’t like not finishing things but on this years UTMB I had to concede and accept that not finishing was a good thing this time around. I guess on reflection I did get some things wrong, I didn’t properly sort out my accommodation so when I realised the place I had booked was miles away from any roads I luckily found a hotel next to the train station in St Gervais Le Bann but It added to a bit of stress. After registering for the race I then did a photo shoot up in the mountains for a magazine feature and article that was being written about my running and music lifestyle. I didn’t feel that this made me tired in any way or took away any preparations from the race. It was a fun thing to do and it actually took my mind of it all and was good PR as they say.
I didn’t sleep great the night before the race as it was very warm and I couldn’t really settle through the night. Pre race nerves. I tried to relax the next morning by listening to some relaxation and meditation audio but half way through the falling waterfalls and cool mist a bunch of fucking spiders showed up and crawled across my peaceful state and ruined the whole calming vibe. Why spiders?
I mooched around the little place I was staying and had some lunch whilst waiting for Mike and Lee to arrive. It was nice knowing I had two friends coming to support me along the route and spending time with them in the running world is always a good time amongst the sweat, pain and un- known-ness of running ultra marathons.
At the start of the race the heavens opened and the slow push to get across the start line began. I felt good running through Chamonix and then onto Les Housche before the first climb. It felt busy and I was really sweating in the muggy warm air. I spoke with a guy from Belgium who said he had a plan to finish the race in under forty hours, he offered me his plan as he said he had two (I guess they were written down) but I said I was OK, I never saw him again and have no idea if his plan worked or if he finished the race. The setting skyline was like something from a Monet painting and was stunning to see and feel amongst the beautiful alpine backdrop.
I met with Lee down in St Gervais, It was real busy so I managed to grab a corner of a bench outside and rested for a few minutes before the huge ascent to les Contamines. I felt I was doing ok at this point but things didn’t feel as calm ( If that’s the right word ) as they did in 2017. I don’t really remember much about getting to Les Contamines but upon arriving again I felt very hot and drained. Annoyingly my Garmin had just stopped working. It completely crashed and locked up with a blue triangle on the screen so I had no idea how long things were taking. I didn’t overly feel tried but I felt slow and my focus wasn’t great. Looking back at the photos of me arriving in Les Contamines and chatting with Mike I looked fucked!!
I set out into the dark still very warm and headed up, up, up towards La Balme and then Bonhomme. I noticed more runners passing me as I slowly made the way up through the dark. At the Chapieux checkpoint I got some soup and bread. Inside the food area it was rammed and the pushing and shoving bothered me a bit, it felt like there was too many people. I sat outside on the grass and tried to get my head together. It was still very warm but the officials were asking people to put their jackets on for the climb to Col De La Selgne. I think this was when I first started to doubt I was going to finish the race, in 2017 I got to the top just as dawn was breaking, it was snowing and everything was frozen. This year the air was still warm and the sun was up when I got to the top. The climb went on and on and on, it felt so long, much longer than 2017. Everything was feeling longer, slower and hotter. A helicopter flew over us upon reaching the top. It was beautiful up there with the rising sun and the cool mountain air and breathtaking views.
I grabbed some water and coca cola before starting my way to Lac Combal. In 2017 due to the severe bad weather this part of the course was changed so then we headed straight down to the Lake, this time as the weather was ok and no changes had been made to the course we didn’t go straight down instead taking in a path around more of the glacier across large stones and quite tricky terrain. It added way over an hour to what it took me in 2017 and by the time I got down to Lac Combal I was starting to feel it. My legs were hurting on the descents and I was running out of power. I sat down at the aid station as the sun poured down over me. Mike, Lee, Pat the journalist and Christian the photographer were there aswell. I can’t remember saying much during my rest. When I got up to leave it was hot and I knew the next section was gonna be tuff in the morning heat. I walked along the path with Mike and Lee chatting and then started my way to Courmayeur. I can remember it being slow and coming to a small waterfall of which a guy just walked fully clothed into it and sat down. It must have felt amazing and I thought of doing the same but then thought about soaking wet clothes and chaffing and also losing time by sitting in a cold-water fall. I was fearing not making the cut off so just kept moving in the heat up and up and up. I came to another checkpoint of which I didn’t remember from 2017. It was very busy and there was a band playing. I got some pasta and sat down and watched the band play about three songs, I remember they played a Hendrix tune. They were pretty bad but in a good way. I was taking way too long and should have just kept moving but it was so hot. The descent down into Courmayeur is one of the steepest and hardest descents I’ve ever experienced. It’s long and windy and through the woods so its all tree roots and is very steep. Every step hurt like a mutha fucker. Man I suck at downhill and my quads were like bricks of pain. There was nothing soft in any of that descent and the whole thing was agony. I knew I was much slower than 2017 but got into the aid station, hot, tired and slow. Through miss-communication or just not planning things right I was really falling behind. I thought I had to be in Courmayeur aid station by 1.15pm I got in at 12.40ish. I was pretty done in after the descent down and no sleep for almost 30 hours. I went to the toilet and was sat there thinking I could have a wash, change my clothes and prepare for the next Sections and I over heard two guys say we only have 7 minutes to be out. I suddenly realised the 1.15pm cut off was the time I had to be out of Courmayeur. I managed to change my socks and quickly get over the time mat and get out into the blazing Italian sunshine at 1.14pm. Patricia managed to grab some food for me and loaded me with stuff, which was a massive help, as I’d had no time to eat anything. I could feel it slipping away but pushed on and up for the massive climb back into the mountains.
The best can of Fanta I’ve ever had!
As soon as I started my way up I knew it was gonna be one of the hardest climbs I’ve ever had to do. I noticed a few runners heading back towards Courmayeur after about 15 minutes. One of them said good luck to me. I found a water fountain before heading back into the woods of which I stuck my head under; it felt like heaven, I also looked to see there was nobody behind me. Just before I got into the woods I saw a woman trying to be sick, she was reaching hard. I asked if she was ok and she said “I just want to be sick but I can’t” I didn’t see her again. Crawling up through that ascent was gruelling. Its so steep and so slow going it feels like it will never end. Along the trail, which isn’t very wide, I kept seeing runners just asleep on the verge or on rocks or going back towards Courmayeur. I briefly spoke with another runner who had a happy face and looked in good shape and I think he said to keep going and I replied will it ever end? I knew the time was slipping but I physically couldn’t go any faster. I finally made it to the Bonatti checkpoint……. And in my sleep deprived state I had the most real hallucination I’ve ever had. I saw Lee and Mike looking over a rock waiting at the aid station. I honestly thought it was them. I got through and rested in the shade, I fell asleep for seventeen minutes as somebody else’s alarm went off three minutes before mine. I knew I was close to not making it but I had to close my eyes. I got up and headed on knowing the time was almost gone thinking I’d see Mike and Lee, they weren’t there, they’d never been there. Carrying on the weather started to change a bit thankfully and some cloud cover came in. I remember getting to the next checkpoint and knowing it was all over. The guy who I’d seen on the climb was there and he asked me if we were going to make it and I sadly said its not gonna happen this time mate. His eyes filled as did mine and we shared a brief moment of solitude in knowing we weren’t going to finish the race. I said to him these mountains aren’t going anywhere so you have to come back and beat them. I also spoke with another English guy who said he knew it was over and knew the next section of the race is the hardest bit and there was no way he’d be able to do it. I said to still do the next section as if we’re in the race though and I set out with around one hour fifteen minutes to get through 7km with dark clouds forming and a the distant sound of thunder beginning to rumble.
It doesn’t sound a lot but when everything is hurting and your brain and soul is tired you can’t rush anymore. I took my time and made my way down to what would be my final checkpoint at Arnouvaz. I ran past a photographer who took my last photo of the race. Lee and Mike came up to find me and I came though 25 minutes behind the cut off. A pretty young woman smiled, said sorry, took out some scissors and cut my tag in half. I walked through the empty checkpoint, sat down and then the heavens opened and a massive thunderstorm erupted. Torrential rain poured down. My second UTMB was over.
To reflect I certainly found this year’s UTMB so much harder than in 2017. Maybe I had over done things with running the Pennine Way in late June and hadn’t given my body enough time to rest. The heat certainly played a factor and this was my first ultra in this sort of heat so that’s something I need to work on somehow. I know I need to work on strengthening my legs for intense downhill running too. It was great being part of this great race again and I enjoyed (if a tad gutted) watching the last runners get across that finish line back in Chamonix.
Ultra running has become part of my life so this setback is just part of the journey, like life I suppose. It’s ups and downs, easy going and hard going, one foot in front of the other.
I am Dave Pen
Huge thanks to Columbia Clothing, Mike Bird, Lee Wilson, Pat and Christian and my family for your support on this race x
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